January 28, 2010

Well, today I woke up with full intentions to work out on the Wii Fit. What better way to start the day than with a CG Jillian Michaels yelling at you?

Instead, I chose to start my day with various women screeching about their deadbeat sperm donors and how they're "a billion percent sure he IS the father of my baby." Except the surprise is on them because once Maury opens that magic envelope it's all over. The guy, once booed by the audience, is redeemed by their clapping while the girl makes the obligatory run backstage where she collapses on the couch. Of course, Maury chooses to be a source of comfort, to offer as many paternity tests as possible until they find the guy. Six or seven shows later the chick gives up. Maybe.

I should really get a life.

Today, though, my husband took me, our oldest son and daughter out of town since it was pouring outside and he couldn't work (he farms).

If Maury was mistake number one, then lunch at Chili's was number two (hehe...number two).

I know how many calories are in a burger and fries at Chili's, and it's a lot. There are several items on their Guiltless Grill to choose from and they all look good. There's even some new stuff! So what did I do?

I ordered the burger. WITH bacon. Big, thick pieces of bacon. And I ate most of it too. Normally I get coffee or water whenever we go out but today I got Dr. Pepper. It was delicious.

After that we went to the mall. I strapped the baby in the carrier and off we went. I have discovered that if you carry your baby in a sling, etc, then said carrier will disguise your huge fat roll.

I bought some nail polish and a bottle of Clinique Happy, because if I'm going to be a fat ass I don't want to smell like a stinky greasy one.

At Old Navy I bought some new yoga pants. I don't do yoga, which makes me an imposter I suppose, but I don't care. I heart stretchy black fabric. Add some ill-fitting tank tops and some pigtails and you've got the world's most uncool 23 year old.

Come dinnertime my son was asking for McDonald's, and what kind of mother would I be if I deprived my son of the comfort that is the Chicken McNugget?

I guess you can figure out what happened next.

But don't worry, I got coffee this time.